I’ve always wanted to be who I am today. 

I was just scared to be her. 

I knew it would require me to do things I didn’t want to do, things I wasn’t ready for.

I knew I would feel confused. I knew it would be different. But I wanted it to be!

I was just scared to be her. 

I knew I was going to have to change my ways. 

I knew I was going to have leave some people behind, and I knew I was going to miss that life I created I for myself. 

I was comfortable with my creation, but I wanted what she created. I knew what I had to do get there, but I was scared of the journey so I was scared to be her.

But I wanted her. 

I wanted her look.

I wanted her essence.

I wanted her confidence.

I wanted her humor.

I wanted her eyes.

I wanted her hair. 

I wanted her body, the way she loved her body, the way she took care of her body. She was gentle with herself. And you could tell because she was gentle with everyone else too. But she was strong. 

Physically strong, sure. But her mental strength, was what I loved. What I craved. 

To be strong in the essence of knowing yourself. 

To be strong in her beliefs, but still be open to new possibilities and open to the world around her. 

Being open to the world around her, but still be grounded.

Being open to the world, but still be able to create her own reality, with no boundaries. 

I loved that. I wanted that. I wanted her.

I was just scared to be her. 

She was beautiful. But not just physically. She made the time for herself. 

She was her priority. 

She ate the food she wanted, but she only wanted what was best for her. 

She traveled where she wanted, and there were no boundaries to the world she could explore. 

She set boundaries, but didn’t live within any. 

She was a walking contradiction. And I loved her. I wanted her. I wanted to be her. 

So I became her.