I’ve started to see a lot of ‘come healed because I didn’t do shit to you’ memes floating around, and at first I was like absolutely valid! Because there is no other way to come since I’m healed, so you should be too! And while that is still mostly valid – how do you know when you’re healed? What does healed even look like? When are you sure? Are we even ever done fully healing?

Well let me tell you this, you’re always healing from something. You could be healing from some childhood trauma, strained relationships with family, what your ex did last year, or even what an old friend said to you last week. To be honest, I’m still healing from some old work trauma. I thought I was over everything that happened to me at an old job I had almost 4 years ago, but yet to this day I still catch myself doing things that ‘I don’t have to worry about here.’ Is that because I am still healing, or is it because I just have not adapted to my new environment yet? I always thought I was healed from something just because time passes after a situation and I ‘get over it’, and maybe I was wrong. That may be a part of healing but that is not healing as a whole.

I always thought I was healed because I could think back on situations and not feel how I once felt about it, but as soon as I open my mouth to talk about it?? Allll of the emotions rush back, and then I realize that maybe I am not be fully healed – but there is progress and I recognize it. How do you know you’re healed until you are directly back in a similar situation to see how you react? Or, like even in my job scenario, how do I know I am ‘not’ healed simply because I am getting used to a new environment? I’m not saying that always gives me an excuse for why I do things a certain way, but what I am saying is that is something you should communicate in your new situations/environments when you catch yourself doing it – or when others catch you doing it. So like I said, I definitely understand the ‘come healed or don’t come to me at all’ sentiment, but also communication saves a lot of relationships. Healing is not a one size fits all, and you also cannot heal in environments that do not support you on your healing journey.

To get a better understanding of your healing, and where you are on your journey try talking it out old or triggering situations to someone and see how you feel. We tend to do a lot of healing by yourself, but it’s beautiful to speak out loud to someone you trust and to feel the vibrations from your words and how it affects your mind and body. I person feel that’s why therapy is so important, but I digress, that’s another topic for another day. 

Questions to ask yourself about your healing:

1. Am I aware of my triggers from past trauma? 
2. Do I know how those triggers can show up in my relationships? 
3. If put in a similar situation, how do I think I would react? 
4. Do I catch myself assuming that a similar situation is going to happen with new people? 
5. Am I reacting to situations based off of my trauma responses?

I can scream that I am healed all day long, but you never truly know if you are healed until you are able to face a similar situation, recognize it, and move through it differently. I’m not saying it’s okay to hop into situations all willy nilly without checking yourself, but I what I am saying is that healing is a process that takes real time and can have real set backs. As long as you actively working on yourself a little bit every day, that’s all that matters. Happy healing!